We just got back home from hitting up the sporting good store to get accessories for the bikes we purchased this week. We’ve still got some things to get (like a car mounting bracket, and comfier seats!), but we have helmets, which means we can go riding now whenever we want. Tomorrow, perhaps, we’ll make an inaugural wander.
Now, my train of thought went from our bikes, to our to-be bike shed here at home. As you can see, it’s a pretty shoddy and desolate place to be (there’s also a toilet back there that you can just about see. It doesn’t have running water, but can be used in an emergency with a bucket or hose). Before my diagnosis, it was the place I would flee when everything got on top of me — a small house doesn’t give a lot of options, and this is the most remote. I’d usually have a brawl against myself, insomuch that I’d usually take Mister Whiskey with me, and then have to convince myself that it was a bad idea to give into his sexy Southern drawl. I’d usually win that battle, but man… that’s just a testament to personal stubbornness. Any less stubborn//separated from my previous drinking issues, and you betcha I’d’ve succumbed (even if it would have just made thing worse).
So yes, in a way, that was a step up from before. I could stop myself from drinking when my brain was doing the scumbag thing… most of the time. It was hard, but isn’t pretty much everything with an untreated mental illness? But as the struggle even with diagnosis and treatment is still damned hard, I think we forget to stop and take stock of how much better things are by comparison. Sure, they’re still nowhere near optimal or ‘normal’ (whatever normal means), but that doesn’t make the progress and the now any less important. And I consider that to be a significant step — there’s too much pressure internally and externally to forget that in the expectation that the only value and victory is ‘winning’. Pfft to that, I say — as a recovering perfectionist, I’m not falling for that crap again!
In short — I’m in a good mood today. I’m choosing to celebrate my progress, and hope that taking a moment to reflect will serve me well in continuing to enjoy those good moments as they present themselves.
I hope that everyone is having a great weekend!